even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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