even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just high enough for therapy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
