That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
