Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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