hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
