wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
