Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
