You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
