I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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