Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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