awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
