Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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