her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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