My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
