but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
