I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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