East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
