My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
