Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
