He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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