I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
