I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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