Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
