just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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