Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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