Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
