Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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