My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
