My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
