I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Shame - the story of my life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
