You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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