I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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