I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
