You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Be still, my beating vagina.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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