Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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