as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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