addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
