Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
