hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
