Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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