check it out our google latitudes are spooning
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
do herpes really smell.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
