you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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