He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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