So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
