Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
