I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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