I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
