With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
