Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
