my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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