Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
