2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You need Xanax blowdarts
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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