I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize