great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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