drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
