woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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