i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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