i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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