At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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