Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
