I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
