yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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