Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
