I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
