sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
