you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
