garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
