Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
