a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
