Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
