Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
