R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
