So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
