Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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