I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
ttyl tear gas
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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