You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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