The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
