I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
