i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
