As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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