At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
