i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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