i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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