Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
